Zombie Night — Not the worst of the Asylum Films. I think.

zombies eat people in asylum film

Here is an equation review of Zombie Night:

++

(still with me?) plus…
– 

(still with me????) then…

withoutor

Confusing? Yep. 

Q: Was it that bad?
A: Yeah, it was.

Q: But there are so many actors in it, how can it be that bad?
A: When you spend all your money on name recognition and little on the screenplay. Well, eh.

Q: John Gulager directed this? Name sounds familiar…
A: Directed Feast on the last season of Project Greenlight. Feast is a much much better movie.

Q: Was the writing really that bad?
A: Let me put it this way…

Mad Max Fury Road —- I think I just had an orgasm.

Let’s get one thing straight, The Road Warrior is the very best movie to ever come from the land down under. Period. 

Mel Gibson will forever be Max and G.I. Joe toys were only ever fun when playing out the final tanker chase all over the house.
Reboots, remakes, re-imaginings, bah. They are nothing more than Hollywood’s attempt to cash in on the past with little risk. Ya know, like risk vs reward. 
So don’t try and sway me with this new Mad Ma…. wait… is that Tom Hardy? Hmmm…

Oh my jesus lord. I’ve had an orgasm.

Under the Skin – Raw Review

Naked Alien Eats Men

Ahhhhh… extensive nudity, disturbing imagery, and a near lack of exposition make Under the Skin is one helluva interesting film.

Under the skin poster art scarjo
Read any review on any website and it becomes clear that either people love or hate the film. Not a lot of middle ground exists on this one and that’s not surprising given the style and execution.

Note: I feel compelled to address anyone who is only interested in seeing Scarlett Johansson fully nude (because you totally do!). Find the pictures or gifs online, don’t waste time watching the whole movie. If all you’re after is quick thrill the story/theme/concept will pass right by you, then you’ll feel compelled to write a shitty review based on nothing and who wants to read that.

I digress. Movie review. Focus… Ok, the movie is…

Boy being eaten by alien fluid in Under her skin movie


In a word… disturbing. More disturbing than this one. The film is disturbing for several reasons. First, the idea is altogether creepy if you’re a guy who likes to cruise bars and pick up women. Second, there is a scene on a beach that is nearly unwatchable if you have small kids and/or a dog. It’s necessary to the theme and it works. Oh god does it work. Just be warned.

Scarjo checking out the human world.



The scenes in the van were shot with hidden cam, the men being picked up aren’t actors. I know crazy right, but it makes the scenes more believable. Here’s a good analysis if you’re so inclined.

The cinematography is amazing, and relevant so pay attention.

Universe communication between aliens


What is the story about?

Predator vs Prey. Humanity. Empathy. Stuff like that.

Do you get to see ScarJo nude?

Please see my note above.

Is it a good film?

It’s a well made film that is very thought provoking. You’ll either get it or you won’t, but either way I don’t see this being re-watched on a regular basis.

How about children. Can I let my kids watch this film?

I wouldn’t, and I generally don’t have an issue with kids watching most horror movies. I started with Dawn of the Dead at six years old and I turned out o.k. I think. No, this movie not only has a lot of nudity but some of the scenes are very disturbing, and very realistic. Keep the kids away.

Cockneys vs Zombies – Raw Review

Zombies invade the east end of london taking on bank robbers, gangbangers and old folks trapped inside their home.

Cockney: a person from the East End of London.

Yes, a movie about East End Londoners fighting off zombies! Or as the film puts it – Abercrombies vs Trafalgers!
Never expect much out of a movie that contains ‘vs’ in the title. The neverending string of Godzilla vs ‘monster’ movies spanning back to the 1950s should’ve driven this point home by now; if not there is always the current spat of Sci-Fi original movies using ‘vs’ and ‘mega’ in every single title to make us think twice about watching.
You can think twice about watching this one but you’ll be missing out on the best British zom-com since Shaun of the Dead. Actually, it may be the first British zom-com since Shaun of the Dead for all I know. No matter, the film speaks for itself.
Basic plot – A bank robbery, zombie outbreak, old folks home under siege.
Any Bubba Ho-Tep fans out there? A lot of similarities to be had in this one.
Favorite quote: “Suck on my fucking chocolate stick!”
Zombie myth busted; It’s plausible for an old man with a walker to outrun a zombie horde. At least across the yard.
Q: Is this a good date movie?
A: Yea. It’s a lot of fun and there are enough laughs to keep you smiling.
Q: Appropriate for kids?
A: It’s gory and they drop enough swear words to pack the coin jar, but it’s not racy or otherwise out of line. Live a little.
Q: Anyone I know in it?
A: Alan Ford. Better known as Brick Top
Q: So should I see this?
A: Absolutely, it’s an evening well spent.

For more zombies go here!

All Cheerleaders Die

Sex, Drugs and Supernatural Slice and Dice!

I’m trying the think of a really good way to encapsulate the plot of All Cheerleaders Die. Ya know the standard “It’s X meets Y for the new generation” pitch that so many writers and agents built their careers on. The best I can think of is something along the lines of…


“A cross between Heathers, The Craft, Bring It On and  Dead Girl.”


I hate to say too much because there are several turns and a couple twists that work much better if you go into the film blind. Just know the film does a great job blending standard high school tropes with blood, death, and a dash of the supernatural.


One final note… good horror films provide well timed comic breaks for the audience. It’s necessary to allow people a chance to catch their breath, collect themselves, and above all smile. All Cheerleaders Die is able to do this exceptionally well through the use of it’s soundtrack. What is otherwise a fairly grim film becomes a genre blending dark comedy due to some well placed and eclectic choices in music. The movie also benefits largely from some terrific acting by the main antagonist.


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Q: Is this a good date movie?
A: Not sure why this question keeps coming up. I’d say yes for the casual date, or definitely if you’ve finally decided to ask out your best friend whom you’ve had a crush on for years and knows all about your obsession with John Hughes and George Romero.


Q: Dead Girl? How is it similar!?
A: Take a guess…


Q: Do all the cheerleaders really die?
A: Yes and no. Sort of.


Q: Where?


A: Netflix.

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All Cheerleaders Die – Raw Review

Sex, Drugs and Supernatural Slice and Dice!

I’m trying the think of a really good way to encapsulate the plot of All Cheerleaders Die. Ya know the standard “It’s X meets Y for the new generation” pitch that so many writers and agents built their careers on. The best I can think of is something along the lines of…


“A cross between Heathers, The Craft, Bring It On and  Dead Girl.”


I hate to say too much because there are several turns and a couple twists that work much better if you go into the film blind. Just know the film does a great job blending standard high school tropes with blood, death, and a dash of the supernatural.


One final note… good horror films provide well timed comic breaks for the audience. It’s necessary to allow people a chance to catch their breath, collect themselves, and above all smile. All Cheerleaders Die is able to do this exceptionally well through the use of it’s soundtrack. What is otherwise a fairly grim film becomes a genre blending dark comedy due to some well placed and eclectic choices in music. The movie also benefits largely from some terrific acting by the main antagonist.


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Q: Is this a good date movie?
A: Not sure why this question keeps coming up. I’d say yes for the casual date, or definitely if you’ve finally decided to ask out your best friend whom you’ve had a crush on for years and knows all about your obsession with John Hughes and George Romero.


Q: Dead Girl? How is it similar!?
A: Take a guess…


Q: Do all the cheerleaders really die?
A: Yes and no. Sort of.


Q: Where?


A: Netflix.

When Netflix recommends a movie that’s listed in the genre of B-Horror Movie most people either run the other way or jump for joy. I kinda limp to the fridge, grab a beer and then spend two hours searching through the menu in the hope of finding something, anything else to watch.


In the case of Germ Z I failed, miserably. You’d think between Amazon, Netflix, VOD, and Youtube some other movie that at least appeared watchable would crop up. Nope. Nada. 

I ended up starting the movie, more to have something on the TV than to actually pay attention. Yes, I’m a TV child, silence unnerves me. So what?


At three minutes in I was intrigued so I decided to watch another three minutes. At six minutes I’m wondering when the action is going to start. At fifteen minutes I’m thinking the script and acting is better than expected. At thirty minutes I’m really starting to realize there is some solid work behind this film. At an hour I’m hooked. Hooked all the way and hoping the third act lives up the expectations built up in the first two.


Yes. Yes it does. Third act for win!


Germ Z has no business being good, but it is good. Very good. J.T. Boone writes and directs in what appears to be his first full length feature and it’s obvious he’s got skill. The script is tight and well written and his direction works well given the limited budget. The actors have more chops than they deserve and are able to execute the dialogue really well.


What’s it about? Oh, infection causing cannibalism in a small town. The usual.


Q: Is it a good movie?
A: Much better than expected, if you expect it to suck.


Q: Is there nudity?
A: Why are you always asking about nudity? Pervert.


Q: Good date movie?
A: Meh. Depends on what your date likes. I’d wait till you’ve sealed the deal.


Q: Didn’t Fangoria promote this film?

A: Yeah, they did. Finally they picked a decent movie.

Reviews where the corpse is still kicking.