V/H/S – Raw Review

Old School Horror That Surprises.

Horror movie anthology where robbers view video tapes with death, monsters, murder, and killers.

I have to admit, I stayed away from seeing V/H/S for a long time. The volume of ultra-terrible low budget horror out there makes it difficult to sift through everything in search of those rare nuggets of gold. Guess I’m just getting old. I know it’s always been this way but time is more precious than it used to be, mainly because there isn’t as much of it to watch movies.
V/H/S surprised the hell out of me. Adam Wingard is credited with directing one of the short films, and given the awesome job he did on You’re Next perhaps it’s not as surprising this film has some genuinely good moments.

The movie isn’t perfect, or even great, but several of the mini-stories are really well done and mindblowing. The film is an anthology. We the audience follow a group of scumbags as they burglarize a house.

sex blood murder monster college party guys get eaten by naked girl

The house is creepy (which doesn’t seem to bother these guys at all, making them even scummier) and as they look for the item they’re to steal they come across a room full of TVs and VHS cassettes. Naturally the groups first notion is to sit and watch the tapes, presumably in the hope of finding something of value.
haunted apartment with horrible little alien monsters and a plot twist that  is killer
From there we get a series of short films, all hand-cam. This is where the movie really shines. We get a series of stories ranging from sex monster to homicidal lover to serial killer to alien something or other and haunted house. Some of the films are better than others but each has its own unique style and voice. All of them are violent, and all of them are bloody.

So is it worth seeing?

Surprisingly, yes. Yes it is. The arc story isn’t done very well and one short story is too long and boring for the payoff, but the sex monster, serial killer and haunted house clips are well worth your time.

serial killer who cannot be filmed kills college kids in woods with a knife

What’s an anthology?

A collection of stories. In this case short movies. It works well in V/H/S because flash horror doesn’t require structure, logic, or resolution. We don’t know where the tapes came from or why, we just enjoy the them.

Is this a good date movie?

V/H/S actually could be a good date movie. It’s hip and fresh, has a lot of young college characters in it, and a nice blend of sex/nudity/violence.

So is the whole movie hand-cam (shaky-cam)?

Yeah it is, and I’m sure that will turn some people off, but if you can handle hand-cam (even if it’s not your favorite filming style) and like low-budget horror that’s fun then give it a shot.

college party group stumble into a haunted house with human sacrifice and horrible death
“Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together…”

Is there CGI?

Probably, but all the blood and gut scenes looked like props and latex to me. Bonus points for that!

What the hell is a V/H/S tape?

It’s like Betamax only larger and with less quality. VHS won the video cassette format war… Just like Blu-ray won the HD disc war against HD DVDLaserdisc?
I’m getting too freakin old.

Bedtime!

“Okay everyone, it’s time to go to bed. Coordinate and we’ll get there that much faster. Ready? Right hand…left hand…right hand…left hand…”

All three section coordinating as one. Ass to mouth and still working together. The horror!
The Human Centipede (2009)

Do Not Under Estimate The Sheep

Sheep Eat Farmer! 

Film at 11:00. 

Killer sheep eat farmer in horror movie meme picture. Australia is wack!

Monsters Dark Continent – Review

War in the time of mosques and monsters. 

military fights monsters and terrorists in the middle east sci-fi action war movieSimply stated, Monsters: Dark Continent is a mess. Before sitting down to view this film I wondered why the producers decided to call the movie ‘Dark Continent.’ Two hours later while the credits rolled down my television I’m still not completely sure but I have a theory.

Monsters: Dark Continent is very different from it’s predecessor. It takes place in the same ‘universe’ as it’s predecessor, 10 years down the line, but in Dark Continent we are thrown into the Middle East as opposed to Central America and the movie is shown through the perspective of the U.S. military rather than civilians. In the film monsters have spread the the Middle East (the explanation so throw away that you could miss it if you blink) and are multiplying. So the U.S. takes it upon itself to bomb monsters wherever they are found. the only problem is the bombs kills civilians which creates more insurgents. See where this is going?

soldiers fight giant monster



Gareth Edwards, writer/director of the first film, was tied up with commitments to Godzilla and therefore couldn’t come back to direct on this one. He dodged a bullet and he’s probably thanking his lucky stars.

So whats the theory?

I think couple executives sat down early on and had a conversation that went something like this:

“Hey, did you see that Monsters movie? The one the guy wrote and directed on a shoestring.”

“Are you talking about the one with hardly any monsters?" 

"Yeah. We need a sequel.”  

“Okay, any ideas of what it would be about?”  

“Well you’re right, the first movie didn’t have enough monsters in it so we’d need to add a whole shit ton this time." 

"So what, like the monsters are spreading around the world?”  

“Yeah…and we need army guys shooting and blowing them up.”  

“Army guys?”  

“Definately, the final scene in the first movie with the giant monster and the explosions was the best part of the film. And we had to wait through the entire movie to see it.”

“So military fighting monsters, sounds good." 

"We can show how brutal fighting the monsters are, and we can have the writer incorporate military jargon into the script so it sounds more authentic." 

"That’s still not a story, what should the movie be about?”  

“How about a platoon of soldiers who are in the shit, learning it’s not all fun and games?”  

“So Platoon with monsters? That’s big budget." 

"A squad then. Or maybe a small special forces unit. But either way, they’re fighting monsters.”  

“Just monsters?”  

“Maybe…no, oh no I have it! The military isn’t just fighting monsters, they are fighting terrorists.”  

“Hmmm…doesn’t sound very original." 

"We can make it just like all the other middle east war movies. Squad of young soldiers sign-up all gung-ho, then find out war sucks. The monsters can be an extra threat that will add some cool sci-fi elements to what is otherwise a war picture."  

"Now that sounds interesting, but we need to get this into production soon so we don’t have a lot of time to be creative.”  

“It’s okay, we’ll hire a couple of no-name guys, guys with credits but no major commitments, and we’ll instruct them to write a dark gritty war film with lots of monsters sprinkled throughout." 

"Sounds like a solid plan.”  

“If we’re lucky the writers will come back with something like Apocalypse Now, only with monsters." 

"That would be awesome!”

So basically my theory is the title is a semi-ripoff of Apocalypse Now source material Heart of Darkness.

Dark Continent suffers from several major problems but the worst, and one that brought the entire movie down, is the first person narration. One member of the squad (who are all friends from the same town and join to get away from poverty, crime, and numerous cliches) provides a voice over throughout the movie, giving us his feelings, thoughts, and growing disillusionment as reality does what it does. It’s really annoying and not done very well.

Had Dark Continent simply tried to present a military perspective without all the stylistic bullshit it would have been a better film. The monsters are cool as hell and the idea that the U.S is still in the middle east and still fucking shit up works, mainly because it’s not far fetched.

Johnny Harris (Black Death, Snow White and the Huntsman) and Nicholas Pinnock (Eastenders, Fortitude)  give great performances as the veteran Sergeants. The rest of the cast are pretty forgettable, including the stereotypical Islamic terrorists.

I really wanted to like this movie and it had/has a lot going for it, but the contrived voice over and unlikeable soldiers serve to undermine the better aspects of the film.


war movie with monsters terrorists and death

So it’s a war movie with Monsters? 

Think of the monsters as a force of nature. In westerns the good guys and bad guys have to fend off a stampede on occasion.

Good date movie?

Naw. Other than the half naked hookers in the opening twenty minutes I’m not sure there is another female role of any substance in the film.  

How do the monsters look? Good CGI?

The monsters are cool as hell. They add some new monsters into the mix and show people interacting with them as they would other animals. 

So you wouldn’t recommend the movie? 

I did not like the movie, although I wanted too badly. I’m all for supporting genre flicks, especially sci-fi, but it’s not anywhere near as good as the first film and not an especially good war movie either. If you’re going to watch it wait till it’s on Netflix or Amazon Prime. 

If you’re looking for a good monster movie that captures the darker aspects of human nature/survival check out Stake Land


Monsters Dark Continent – Review

War in the time of mosques and monsters. 

military fights monsters and terrorists in the middle east sci-fi action war movieSimply stated, Monsters: Dark Continent is a mess. Before sitting down to view this film I wondered why the producers decided to call the movie ‘Dark Continent.’ Two hours later while the credits rolled down my television I’m still not completely sure but I have a theory.

Monsters: Dark Continent is very different from it’s predecessor. It takes place in the same ‘universe’ as it’s predecessor, 10 years down the line, but in Dark Continent we are thrown into the Middle East as opposed to Central America and the movie is shown through the perspective of the U.S. military rather than civilians. In the film monsters have spread the the Middle East (the explanation so throw away that you could miss it if you blink) and are multiplying. So the U.S. takes it upon itself to bomb monsters wherever they are found. the only problem is the bombs kills civilians which creates more insurgents. See where this is going?

soldiers fight giant monster



Gareth Edwards, writer/director of the first film, was tied up with commitments to Godzilla and therefore couldn’t come back to direct on this one. He dodged a bullet and he’s probably thanking his lucky stars.

So whats the theory?

I think couple executives sat down early on and had a conversation that went something like this:

“Hey, did you see that Monsters movie? The one the guy wrote and directed on a shoestring.”

“Are you talking about the one with hardly any monsters?” 

“Yeah. We need a sequel.”  

“Okay, any ideas of what it would be about?”  

“Well you’re right, the first movie didn’t have enough monsters in it so we’d need to add a whole shit ton this time.” 

“So what, like the monsters are spreading around the world?”  

“Yeah…and we need army guys shooting and blowing them up.”  

“Army guys?”  

“Definately, the final scene in the first movie with the giant monster and the explosions was the best part of the film. And we had to wait through the entire movie to see it.”

“So military fighting monsters, sounds good.” 

“We can show how brutal fighting the monsters are, and we can have the writer incorporate military jargon into the script so it sounds more authentic.” 

“That’s still not a story, what should the movie be about?”  

“How about a platoon of soldiers who are in the shit, learning it’s not all fun and games?”  

“So Platoon with monsters? That’s big budget.” 

“A squad then. Or maybe a small special forces unit. But either way, they’re fighting monsters.”  

“Just monsters?”  

“Maybe…no, oh no I have it! The military isn’t just fighting monsters, they are fighting terrorists.”  

“Hmmm…doesn’t sound very original.” 

“We can make it just like all the other middle east war movies. Squad of young soldiers sign-up all gung-ho, then find out war sucks. The monsters can be an extra threat that will add some cool sci-fi elements to what is otherwise a war picture.”  

“Now that sounds interesting, but we need to get this into production soon so we don’t have a lot of time to be creative.”  

“It’s okay, we’ll hire a couple of no-name guys, guys with credits but no major commitments, and we’ll instruct them to write a dark gritty war film with lots of monsters sprinkled throughout.” 

“Sounds like a solid plan.”  

“If we’re lucky the writers will come back with something like Apocalypse Now, only with monsters.” 

“That would be awesome!”

So basically my theory is the title is a semi-ripoff of Apocalypse Now source material Heart of Darkness.

Dark Continent suffers from several major problems but the worst, and one that brought the entire movie down, is the first person narration. One member of the squad (who are all friends from the same town and join to get away from poverty, crime, and numerous cliches) provides a voice over throughout the movie, giving us his feelings, thoughts, and growing disillusionment as reality does what it does. It’s really annoying and not done very well.

Had Dark Continent simply tried to present a military perspective without all the stylistic bullshit it would have been a better film. The monsters are cool as hell and the idea that the U.S is still in the middle east and still fucking shit up works, mainly because it’s not far fetched.

Johnny Harris (Black Death, Snow White and the Huntsman) and Nicholas Pinnock (Eastenders, Fortitude)  give great performances as the veteran Sergeants. The rest of the cast are pretty forgettable, including the stereotypical Islamic terrorists.

I really wanted to like this movie and it had/has a lot going for it, but the contrived voice over and unlikeable soldiers serve to undermine the better aspects of the film.


war movie with monsters terrorists and death

So it’s a war movie with Monsters? 

Think of the monsters as a force of nature. In westerns the good guys and bad guys have to fend off a stampede on occasion.

Good date movie?

Naw. Other than the half naked hookers in the opening twenty minutes I’m not sure there is another female role of any substance in the film.  

How do the monsters look? Good CGI?

The monsters are cool as hell. They add some new monsters into the mix and show people interacting with them as they would other animals. 

So you wouldn’t recommend the movie? 

I did not like the movie, although I wanted too badly. I’m all for supporting genre flicks, especially sci-fi, but it’s not anywhere near as good as the first film and not an especially good war movie either. If you’re going to watch it wait till it’s on Netflix or Amazon Prime. 

If you’re looking for a good monster movie that captures the darker aspects of human nature/survival check out Stake Land


Good Night Kiddies.

Sleep tight and enjoy this little lullaby gif from Evil Dead.
Evil Dead Demon in the cellar begging to released.
Hush little baby don’t say a word…

New Schwarzenegger Movie Looks Interesting

We’re going to jump on the bandwagon and agree with everyone else that ‘Maggie’ the new Arnold Schwarzenegger film looks really interesting.

Jo Blo Movie Trailers provides this summary of the film:

Directed by Henry Hobson, the story follows Arnold Schwarzenegger setting out to protect his infected daughter (Abigail Breslin) when a zombie epidemic is threatening the world. It looks to be a refreshingly small-scale, compelling drama with the zombie aspect simply a backdrop, and we’ll find out soon if that’s the case. Also starring Joely Richardson, Laura Cayouette, and Dana Gourrier, check out the trailer below.

Sounds pretty damn good. The trailer looks pretty damn good. We don’t really care how good it is, it’s just nice to see old Arnold back to making movies on a full time basis. Check out the trailer and let us know what you think.

In theaters and On-Demand – May 8th, 2015

Reviews where the corpse is still kicking.