All posts by Cthulhuwho

Slightly odd. Intrigued by creativity. Lover of cheese. Nothing beats a great movie. Few things beat a great book. Lot of things beat working for a living.

Valhalla Rising

So you like viking films eh? Well your either gonna love this or hate it. It seems this film was made on the assumption that visuals are more important that dialogue and story.

Set in 1000 A.D. it follows the exploits of a slave warrior who routinely slays others at the behest of his captures for the purpose of making money.

The atmosphere and feeling of the film are tremendous. There is very little, I mean very little dialogue in the movie so if your the kind of viewer who needs to be told exactly what is happening at all times then don’t park your moped here. However, if you enjoy blood, guts, and Mads Mikkelson with one eye and no shirt on then this is going to be right down your alley.

Q: Is this a good movie?
A: Yeah its not bad but if you have ADHD then forgetaboutit.

Q: Is this a good date movie?
A: Ahahahahaha

Q: Is there nudity in the film?
A: Why did I even ask that question? Naked Vikings? Why would anyone want to see that?

Q: Where did you see it?
A: Netflix instant view. I think its also been playing on Stars and Epix.

Q: Should I see this film?
A: It certainly has great cinematography and some great acting but for those of you who like mindless movies (see Dinner for Schmucks) its going to be a big bore.

The Human Centipede [First Sequence]

Three People Connected By One Digestive Tract…WTF? 

The Human Centipede is all about WTF moments.  

This is an extremely unsettling film in which a mad scientist decides to create a human centipede by connecting three people together ass-to-mouth. Now there is nothing inherently wrong with going ass-to-mouth, if you’re in the heat of passion. Sure it’s a little perverted but hormones rule from time to time.

In the case of Centipede, ass-to-mouth is all about creating one interconnected human lifeform. The disturbing nature of this film will probably fly right over the head of the happy-go-lucky film viewer who likes the SAW, Hostel, and other torture porn style horror films. I found this movie rather difficult to watch the first time around and for good reason. Filmmaker Tom Six places in front of you an idea that in reality is completely plausible – if someone were really sick enough to attempt it.

Yes, that’s what I said, the idea is plausible. What’s more, the screenwriter takes the concept seriously, establishing a strong narrative and deftly tackling the challenge of making three people cease to be individuals and instead a three sectioned life form that need to work together to survive.

There are a few scenes that will have veteran movie buffs cringing and a finally that is well worth the wait. I’ll just say that you don’t want to be the middle section.

Body Horror at it's most disturbing, the human centipede connects three people ass-to-mouth via their digestive tract.

Q: Is this a good movie?

A: Yes, surprisingly well made and well acted.

Q: Is there nudity in this movie?

A: Yep, but if you get off on watching this then you’ve got some serious issues.

Q: Is this a good date movie?

A: Um…. I going to go with probably not. Now if you do see it on a date and you both enjoy it then you’ve probably found a keeper.

Q: Where can I see it?

A: I recommend Netflix instant view, but I’m sure you can rent it also.

Q: Isn’t there a sequel?

Yep, but it’s even grosser and more disturbing that this one. Beware. 

The Human Centipede [First Sequence]

Three People Connected By One Digestive Tract…WTF? 

The Human Centipede is all about WTF moments.  

This is an extremely unsettling film in which a mad scientist decides to create a human centipede by connecting three people together ass-to-mouth. Now there is nothing inherently wrong with going ass-to-mouth, if you’re in the heat of passion. Sure it’s a little perverted but hormones rule from time to time.

In the case of Centipede, ass-to-mouth is all about creating one interconnected human lifeform. The disturbing nature of this film will probably fly right over the head of the happy-go-lucky film viewer who likes the SAW, Hostel, and other torture porn style horror films. I found this movie rather difficult to watch the first time around and for good reason. Filmmaker Tom Six places in front of you an idea that in reality is completely plausible – if someone were really sick enough to attempt it.

Yes, that’s what I said, the idea is plausible. What’s more, the screenwriter takes the concept seriously, establishing a strong narrative and deftly tackling the challenge of making three people cease to be individuals and instead a three sectioned life form that need to work together to survive.

There are a few scenes that will have veteran movie buffs cringing and a finally that is well worth the wait. I’ll just say that you don’t want to be the middle section.

Body Horror at it's most disturbing, the human centipede connects three people ass-to-mouth via their digestive tract.

Q: Is this a good movie?

A: Yes, surprisingly well made and well acted.

Q: Is there nudity in this movie?

A: Yep, but if you get off on watching this then you’ve got some serious issues.

Q: Is this a good date movie?

A: Um…. I going to go with probably not. Now if you do see it on a date and you both enjoy it then you’ve probably found a keeper.

Q: Where can I see it?

A: I recommend Netflix instant view, but I’m sure you can rent it also.

Q: Isn’t there a sequel?

Yep, but it’s even grosser and more disturbing that this one. Beware. 

Dinner for Schmucks

Comedy and Violence are great, but this movie isn’t.

The real title of this film should be – ‘If you paid money to see this film, money that could have been used to buy dinner, then you are a schmuck.’

Q: Is it a good movie?
A: Hell to the no.

Q: Is there nudity?
A: Nope. Probably wouldn’t have help though.

Q: Is it a good date movie?
A: Not if you’re trying to get laid.

Q: Should I be under the influence when I see this?
A: That’s probably the only way you’ll get through it.

Q: Whats it about?
A: Its about an hour too long. The opening sequence and the closing sequence are the only two parts worth watching.

Q: Theater, Rental, or Cable?
A: Its not in theaters anymore (I can’t imagine paying 12 dollars to see this) and if you rent it your still shelling out money that can be better spent doing just about anything so I’m going with, cable.

Q: What the hell!? I liked this movie, why are you trashing it?
A: Because I like Steve Carell and Paul Rudd and this film is beneath them both.