Ewwww! You’ve got Cooties!!!

Cooties is a fictional childhood disease used in the United States of America and Canada as a rejection term and an infection tag game (such as Humans vs. Zombies). – wikipedia

You mean Cooties aren’t real? WTF man? Well real or not Cooties are a large part of everyone’s childhood hence the reason games like this one exist: 
So what’s my point? Thought you’d never ask. Turns out that after god knows how many years someone in the film industry finally realized the ‘Cootie’ is an untapped goldmine. Bloody Disgusting is reporting that a new movie staring Elijah Wood is set to be released by Lionsgate. Apparently it’s a satire about a zombie-ish outbreak caused by a tainted chicken nugget. We’ve seen some decently original zombie films in the past year so this has certainly peaked our interest. Check out the article below.

No One Lives (2013) – Raw Review

No One Lives - Horror movie, serial killer movie, slasher movie A lot of movies toy with the idea of evil being the good guy, or at very least the sympathetic protagonist. In many cases this premise is subverted and what starts out as the evil turns out really to be good, the good then becoming evil, etc.  No One Lives looks as if it’s headed in that direction until it abruptly doesn’t. A slick and polished slasher film, No One Lives decides to play, what might otherwise be a subversive anti-hero trope, as a serious evil vs evil duel of sorts. It works well when done correctly. The story follows a ‘rich’ couple, played by Luke Wilson and Laura Ramsey, who are relocating for an undisclosed reason. There is something different about them right from the get go, something eerie and undefined. Next we meet a group of highwaymen who are certainly the type of people your momma warned you about. Thieves, killers, lawbreakers, you name it. Lead by Lee Tergesen the group cross paths with our rich couple. Predictably the loose cannon of the group decides to waylay the couple and from there things begin to get good. Horror movie No One Lives (2013) As mentioned above, convention typically dictates that even if your protagonist isn’t a ‘good guy’ in a traditional sense they should still be empathetic or audiences won’t care about their struggle, conflict, or outcome. The one exception to this? Make your protagonist The Unfettered. No One Lives - Luke Evans is The Unfettered An extremely version of the anti-hero, the Unfettered has no limitations, no boundaries, no inconvenient moral code, no scrupules. They are unique in their focus on a specific goal or outcome. They care not for the ripple effect their actions cause to others or society at large. They may have emotions but don’t expect those to get in the way of their objective. Ruthless and cunning (assuming they are smart), devoted to to the end game, and completely immune to bargaining, reason, pity, remorse, fear, you name it. Sound scary? Absolutely. Luke Evans unique way of sneaking into the criminals base. So when our protagonist decides these less than reputable people have made a mess of his grand plans, well… all hell breaks loose. We try to avoid spoilers here so I’m not going to get into any more specifics. Just know that this movie takes a bad guy vs bad guys plotline to the extreme. Uber violent, super bloody, over the top gory on a couple occasions, and unrelenting make it very hardcore film indeed. All that aside, it’s more an action movie than a horror film. Think Taken mashed with Friday the 13th. Can you imagine Liam Neeson on screen gutting a body, dropping arms and legs into a woodchipper, slicing off a woman’s face while smiling? You can? You’re a sicko who will probably really enjoy this film. No One Lives is a fun gore-ride through vendetta turned sport. Luke Evans is fantastic from beginning to end. His counterparts, the beautiful Adelaide Clemens and creepy-ass Derek Magyar, are also dazzling throughout. Lindsey Shaw gets a face full of blood in No one lives Adelaide Clemens No One lives hostage and possible anti-hero         If rampage or vengeance movies are your thing and you don’t mind a lot of onscreen murder then you won’t want to miss this one.        
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Beastmaster (1982) – Raw Review

“Don’t Move, this beast is fierce.”

The sword and sandal genre is a long line of marginally decent too horribly bad films. When done halfway decent a semi-epic adventure story set in the bronze or silver age is a helluva lot of fun. Watching muscle bound men in loincloths swing ornate long swords while sorcerers raise stop motion skeletons and giant monstrosities is a large part of any adolescent boys film education. For those of us who first discovered film in the 1980s we have a unique perspective on sword and sandal films. Conan the Barbarian set a bar to which all movies that came behind it tried desperately to see, let alone rise above. Some films were successful in holding their own, others failed miserably. The Beastmaster is great example of the former. Released in 1982 the movie by all accounts was a box office flop. If IMDB is to be believed, the movie cost approximately $8 million to make. the U.S. gross three weeks after release at just under $11 million. For a lot of movies this return on investment would bury the film under the mountain of Hollywood failures never to see the light of day again. We aren’t just talking about any old film though, we’re talking about a sword and sandal film.

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The Beastmaster isn’t a perfect movie. It isn’t even a particularly good movie in many aspects. The dialogue is passable at best. The names of the animals are downright silly. Ruh? Koto and poto (I’m not even sure I spelled those correctly)? Marc Singer’s acting is rather bad throughout the film. I could go on but fortunately there are some many other things to love about the movie it’s easy to give it’s failures a pass.

First, the premise is cool. A king whose son is stolen away in the belly of a cow, via magic. The boy later grows up with the ability to control animals. Twin ferrets that play the role of the thieves (super cleaver). An army of black leather, deathmetal band looking, killer that do little more than look badass. Rip Torn looking like a hollowed out crack addict with cool skull adorned braids. What’s not to like!

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Second, The Beastmaster has a decent story. By today’s standards any remake would need to be at least three hours long. The movie suffers from a noticeable lack of large battle scenes. Other than the village raid in the first act there isn’t another major battle in the film. Dar storms the temple and saves the day, leading to the return of the Jun horde, but neither battle involves anyone other than the four primary protagonists. Dar, Kiri (the sexy Tanya Roberts), Seth (awesome John Amos), and Tal (Joshua Milrad) do all the fighting through the last half of the film, and although they are faced with what appear to be insurmountable odds they prevail each time.

Finally, and this goes to my last point about the battle sequence, the movie has the best use of deus ex machina ever used in a movie. The Winged Devourers are awesome. Possibly one of the most original creations in sword and sandal, they inject a huge amount of mystery and dread into the Beastmaster’s world. Take it or leave it, they make the film. So is The Beastmaster worth the time of day? Most of you have seen it before, of that I’ve no doubt, but if you’re actually reading this and haven’t see this film I highly recommend you do. I’ll add this caveat – 1982 was an era of practical effects. An era of multiple takes, over and over and over, until they got one right. An era of movies with grand ideas and small budgets. Take this into account, free your mind, drink several beers and you should be good to go.



Fangoria #2 Magazine Cover

Horror movies never had a greater champion than Fangoria magazine.

Issue #2 featured:

Interviews with Robert Bloch and Richard Matheson. Prophesy, Phantasm, War of the Worlds, art by Carl Lundgren and a bonus Dr. Who poster! Awesome stuff!

@starlogmag @Fangoria – Issue #2, #Prophecy, Richard Matheson, #WaroftheWorlds, #Phantasm, @bbcdoctorwho poster! pic.twitter.com/XEhkP2ObfI
— Raw Movie Review (@RawMovieReviews) April 29, 2015

Ants (1977) – Raw Review

Ants Raw Review - VHS Box Cover picture. Insect horror.

IT Happened At Lakewood Manor a.k.a Ants!   

If the 1980s was the golden age of the slasher horror film, the 1970s hold the honor for insect horror. The 1977 made for TV movie Ants may not be the best of it’s era but it’s still a fun little micro-horror that boasts some genuine skin […]


Insect horror movie where ants attack a resort. ABC promo advertisment .
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